The Mouth – Bournemouth – Poole – Christchurch

Cyclist does the right thing

A cyclist gave up cycling today in an unprecedented move to do the right thing.  Cyclist Valerie Spoke was moved to act after reading comments in her local paper about cyclists. Overcome with shame, she realised for the good of humanity she should stop her selfish cycling behaviour and get a car.

Valerie said:

“I didn’t realise until today that my behaviour had a direct effect on other cyclists, so when I cycled on the pavement, it caused other completely blameless cyclists to be shouted at. Worst of all, when I forgot my lights last week it caused plans for a new cycle lane 4 miles away to be cancelled – because money cant be spent on cycle improvements until all cyclists behave.”

Valerie is not put off taking up motoring by issues such as parking, she said:

“I don’t have a parking space at home, but I don’t think that will matter. My neighbours will be fine with a bit of cheeky parking outside their house, and I can always park partially on the pavement where the road is quite narrow. At work you need a permit to park, which I wont be allowed because I only live 3 miles away, but there are lots of residential streets nearby so I should be ok.

One thing Valerie is looking forward to is shopping. she said:

“Until now, I have been cycling to the local shops, but shopping at an out of town centre could end up cheaper – and with the cost of fuel, I will have to make that sacrifice!

Local pedestrian, Ethel Bypass spoke of her concern that yet another car on the road will make the roads more dangerous for pedestrians, but Valerie urges people not to worry.

She said:

“I am a very cautious driver. really! Im not going to zoom off at junctions, I’m much more the sort to wait untill I can be absolutely certain it is safe. If it takes a minute or so it is worth the wait – I am putting that sort of risky behaviour behind me.

“Pedestrians just need to travel safely. Responsible pedestrians wear bright florescent clothes in the day and reflective clothes at night, there is no excuse not to dress safely and keep alert, its bad pedestrians wearing black that cause a bad name for all the rest.”


Is this true?

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Posted by on Nov 16 2013. Filed under Big Mouth Squibs, Latest. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

23 Comments for “Cyclist does the right thing”

  1. Maga Wallis

    Good for you.. Just think how many lives would be saved if every cyclist followed your lead. Cyclists are a menace and a danger to themselves, thank God they’re starting to realise this..
    Well done.

    • Hoo Paloogh

      YES. You totally get this article.

    • Rosie Smith

      You are so ignorant! You have completely missed the point of this article…I’d suggest you read it again.

      While I agree there are SOME cyclists who are dangerous there are many cyclists who obey the rules of the road and are NOT a ‘menace’!! There are so many beneficial reasons to cycle, but there should be more training for both cyclists AND car drivers!

    • Ivor di Railla

      Oh dear…Embarrassing. Read it again…I think you are missing the point!

  2. FrankR

    Pity they got her name wrong. It was of course Lucy Spoke.

  3. Peter

    This is a joke right? I’m sorry but this sounds so out of common sense I cannot quite believe what I’m reading….

  4. Paul

    I understand that this is satire. It is also accurate. Most cyclists are a danger and have no respect for rules. Cyclist Valerie Spoke takes a step in the right direction.

    • Ray Jroad

      Paul: “I understand that this is satire. It is also accurate. Most cyclists are a danger and have no respect for rules. Cyclist Valerie Spoke takes a step in the right direction.”
      That’s probably because most cyclists are motorists. They have to get it from somewhere.

  5. […] a cyclist does the right thing by giving up bicycling to take up driving; no really, you should read this one. Unlike the […]

  6. Daniel

    Paul, to shed light on your opinion, do you think it is it the act of cycling that causes people to be dangerous, or is it the type of people that are attracted to cycling in the UK?

    My own opinion is that idiots are idiots, irrespective of what form of transport they take. This is probably very biased, but a way I survey this is by comparing the actions of cyclists on their own bikes, verses cyclists on Barclay bikes. Not always, but often, the Barclays cyclists are public tranporters/motorists having a brief go at cycling. Who do you think is the more dangerous group?

  7. Ian Feeney

    As a motorist myself, I applaud this move. There aren’t enough cars on the road at the moment, and the more people who get off the pavements and off their bikes and into their own individual automobiles the better. There is just not enough congestion at the moment. Creating more congestion is the only way we can get governments and councils to realize that they need to spend far more billions than they already do on the roads. I trust that you bought the biggest gas guzzler you could find so you can sleep easy at night knowing your road tax and fuel tax are paying for the roads (while I like people who drive cars, I’m a bit confused about what to think of those who get fuel efficient cars and pay little or no road tax and much less fuel tax than me. Some of them even drive more miles than me, which seems a bit unfair). Reclaim the roads. One More Car!!!!

    • Ray Jroad

      Fully in agreement with Ian. One thing that’s not appreciated about the great car society is that parents now understand it’s not safe to send their children out to play. So instead of messing about aimlessly in the open air, exposed to heaven knows what germs and muck, children are safe inside where they keep clean and learn all sorts of new skills with their Gamepads and Eyeboys.

      • Ian Feeney

        Glad you’re with me Ray. And the great thing is each car is the same road space as about 9 bikes, so it really won’t take much for us to win this war on the roads. If everyone follows the excellent example of Valerie here, we’ll have the roads reclaimed and ground to a complete halt in no time.

  8. lisanova

    I am pretty sure Valerie has parked blocking the pavement so people with pushchairs cant get through. I couldn’t get a very good look, but I am pretty sure it was her.

  9. sam

    If only bus users would do the same. Buses are a bit of pain because they drive slowly. If all those people on the buses got their own cars it would solve all the congestion problems. Don’t get me started on trains.

    • Ray Jroad

      I reckon if we all got giant motorhomes we could bulldoze all the houses and flats which would make lots of space for roads. It would be a huge boost to the bulldozing and motorhome industries, and tarmacking, and white lining.

      Also it would be really convenient because wherever you went it would all look the same, tarmac and white lines like one of those cross-channel ferry holding areas, so nobody would ever get homesick. As long as there was a branch of Costa Coffee and somewhere to empty the chemical toilets.

  10. Ray Jroad

    and the motorhomes would be really cheap because at the moment, have you noticed, they all have to have big bike racks on the back. They won’t be needed so it’s savings, savings all the way.

  11. Montyz

    Very entertaining and witty read. Has brought a smile out of me. Well done!

  12. Chris Rust

    Looks like you’ve been spammed

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